By Carrie Callahan

It is mid-December 2023. I have just returned home from a trip to Minneapolis. My son Ryan had just completed a two-year construction management program at Dunwoody Technical College. School had never been a strong suit for him and completing this program with honors was a magnificent accomplishment that deserved a celebration! What started out as a nice dinner out turned into a party for 30 hosted by his dad and wife Sue.

Arthur and I had split amiably many years prior and we had co-parented with respect. However, to have a big party with the extended family of my ex wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. This was crossing a new bridge with him. Of course, this what Ryan wanted, so off Colin (my new husband) and I went to celebrate and support Ryan in the way that he wished.

In a much-appreciated text, Arthur let me know that as this was a special party, they would not be using paper dishes. They would be using china — specifically the Villeroy and Boch Sienna pattern that we both shared and the Block Poinsettia Christmas dishes that I surrendered at the time of our divorce.

These Christmas dishes were the one thing around which I still held some regret. At the time, I was so sad that I couldn’t imagine enjoying Christmas without Arthur’s enthusiasm and joy. The dishes were part of that. Arthur wanted them so, I let them go. Now, I was grateful to have some advance warning so I could prepare myself to see them again.

It is November 1990 and I am six months pregnant. Arthur and I moved into the house on Colfax Ave. that September as we prepared to start our family. The house was receiving some remodeling and, as I anticipated leaving my job at the time of the birth, we were being financially conservative.

Cruising through TJ Maxx with the intent of getting my Christmas shopping completed early, I came across the Block Poinsettia Christmas dishes that I had fallen in love with multiple years earlier at an upscale boutique. Part of my Christmas ritual was to go to that boutique to visit them and dream of the time when I could afford to have them for my own. And now, here they were being clearanced. OMG! I wanted those dishes so badly — but buying these dishes now really was a luxury — and yet they were being clearanced! I might never get another chance to have them.

I brought home a place setting for Arthur to see and without much shame asked if he thought there was any way. We figured out a way and purchased what we needed for Christmas dinners. He loved Christmas and had dreams of his own about how he wanted to celebrate with good food, family, and friends. He agreed we should do it and I spent the next few days pushing myself hard after work going to every TJ Maxx in the Twin Cities collecting the pieces we needed to put together a set of eight place settings plus the extras like matching glasses and serving dishes. I was so happy!

So now, here I am at Arthur and Sue’s home, with the table set with those very same Christmas dishes. I’d like to say I had a cringe of regret, but the truth is, surprisingly, I just didn’t.

The house was beautifully decorated for Christmas. The house was full of people with Arthur in their large open kitchen wearing his apron, putting on the last touches to a wonderful dinner, pouring wine and offering charcuterie and cheese. He was in his glory. I could see how Arthur and Sue were putting these dishes to use in the way Arthur and I had originally intended. They were used and appreciated. They had landed in the right place.

I left that night at peace, with a warm heart. The party couldn’t have gone better. Friends and teachers were invited, so it wasn’t strictly a Stickley family affair. Sue and Arthur and the extended family greeted Colin and me with friendly generosity. I felt a deep appreciation for the time and experiences I shared with Arthur, that he gave me Ryan and supported us as agreed with integrity, and continues that support with Ryan now. I left knowing that Ryan is loved by so many and will be celebrated in the years to come by both his families, separately and perhaps occasionally together now, with ease. The intention for my Christmas dishes lives on — just differently than I originally imagined.

© 2024 Carrie Callahan

Carrie Callahan is a creative life-long learner. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, working in the garden, whipping something up in the kitchen for her hubby or making a mess in her studio.