In 2013, I interviewed Jerry Waxler, about his first book, Memoir Revolution. Recently we talked about his path since then, which has led to Jerry publishing his latest book. Read on to learn more!
SW: Jerry, let’s start with the basics. How did you get interested in memoir writing?
Jerry: When I was young, I had no idea memoirs even existed. In the ’90s, Mother began to read them and ask if I’d heard of any good ones, but I wasn’t reading them at the time. After I graduated with a master’s in counseling psychology in 1999, I was still trying to understand people beyond academic learning. I initially joined a writing group intending to write self-help content, hoping to communicate the insights I’d gained in my therapy training. But my writing felt abstract and detached. A mentor advised me to include more of myself, which was a challenge because I was shy and reluctant to talk about my personal life. He seemed to think it was a natural thing; I didn’t know how to do it.
Then, in 2002, another mentor introduced me to memoir writing through a class, and that’s when it all clicked. Fortunately, I love writing and having that as a challenge was awesome for me. So, in addition to learning about memoirs, I had to learn about storytelling. As I continued to learn about memoirs and read them, it became clear that memoirs could offer self-development, psychological introspection, and a way to share deeply personal insights. The whole thing’s just been a blast ever since.
SW: So you really enjoy it and you want to share that pleasure with other people, show them “here’s a place to play.”
Jerry: That’s a great way to put it. Sarah. Play is not something that comes naturally to me in other areas of life, but through writing, especially memoirs, I find joy and creativity. For somebody with my kind of overactive mind and intellectual tendencies, writing is a form of play. It allows me to express emotions and stories that have shaped who I am. Sharing this pleasure with others, and helping them discover their own stories, is incredibly rewarding.
SW: How would you characterize your work life right now?
Jerry: I do counseling, I do memoir coaching, and I write articles and essays, and I facilitate memoir groups. I think memoir groups are awesome because they let people get a feeling for what it’s like to be together in a room, sharing. Someone tells you their story and this lovely, compassionate, empathetic room full of people are listening. There’s this circle of life, circle of love, that happens. Embracing all these modalities, teaching, coaching, counseling, group work, individual writing – has been a real journey in its own right, as I’ve been struggling to understand how they all connect. They’re all amazing opportunities to be helpful.
SW: You have a new book out—tell us about that.
Jerry: My latest book is called How I Learned to Love the World: My Epic Journey from Solving Equations to Healing Hearts with Therapy, Writing and Memoirs.(Published March 2024.) It’s a culmination of my experiences, reflecting on my journey from emotional immaturity, how I learned to using writing, memoirs and therapy to grow and mature.
SW: I’m seeing how intertwined writing and therapeutic goals are for you. How do you see the intersection of therapy and memoir writing?
Jerry: Therapy and memoir writing have a lot in common, particularly in the way they involve sharing and reflecting on deep personal experiences. But they’re also very different. When someone enters therapy, they usually have an immediate need—they’re in turmoil and seeking help right now. Memoir writing, however, allows for a retrospective look, which helps build emotional intelligence and self-understanding over time.
In memoir groups, people share their stories in a compassionate space, which can be therapeutic without being formal therapy. Writing allows you to piece together your past, making sense of your experiences in a coherent way. This process is incredibly valuable, whether or not you call it “therapy.” They’re not that dissimilar, because in both instances, it’s healing to be able to share your deepest experiences and feelings.
SW: How does memoir writing enhance emotional intelligence?
Jerry: Memoir writing forces you to engage deeply with your emotions and the emotions of others. When you write, you bring your whole self to the page—your thoughts, your physical reactions, your feelings. This builds emotional intelligence by increasing your awareness of your own emotions and enhancing your empathy towards others. As you write, you start seeing your past experiences from a new perspective, making you more comfortable with who you are.
SW: Grief is a significant topic in memoir writing. How do you see storytelling as part of the grieving process?
Jerry: Grieving is complex, but storytelling can play a crucial role in processing loss. Writing about someone you’ve lost helps you appreciate their place in your life and keeps their memory alive. Memoir writing builds resilience by allowing you to explore your grief and gradually find strength in those memories.
SW: Can writing about trauma or grief be too much, too soon?
Jerry: Absolutely. If someone is still in the intense throes of grief or trauma, it might be overwhelming to write about it in an organized way. Memoir writing is most powerful when there’s some emotional distance from the events being described. It’s often better to wait until you’re ready to reflect on those experiences rather than diving in too soon. Sometimes, writing about happier moments or focusing on lighter memories can help balance the process.
SW: Are there any memoirs you recommend?
Jerry: That’s always a tough question because there are so many! I look for memoirs with an upward slope—stories that move toward hope or resolution. Memoirs are hope machines, and they can expand our empathy and understanding of people whose lives are completely different from our own.
SW: Thanks, Jerry. This has been an insightful conversation. For readers who want to learn more about Jerry Waxler’s work, you can explore his blog and other writings at jerrywaxler.com.
True Stories Well Told
Exploring Memoir Writing with Jerry Waxler: A Conversation
In 2013, I interviewed Jerry Waxler, about his first book, Memoir Revolution. Recently we talked about his path since then, which has led to Jerry publishing his latest book. Read on to learn more!
SW: Jerry, let’s start with the basics. How did you get interested in memoir writing?
Jerry: When I was young, I had no idea memoirs even existed. In the ’90s, Mother began to read them and ask if I’d heard of any good ones, but I wasn’t reading them at the time. After I graduated with a master’s in counseling psychology in 1999, I was still trying to understand people beyond academic learning. I initially joined a writing group intending to write self-help content, hoping to communicate the insights I’d gained in my therapy training. But my writing felt abstract and detached. A mentor advised me to include more of myself, which was a challenge because I was shy and reluctant to talk about my personal life. He seemed to think it was a natural thing; I didn’t know how to do it.
Then, in 2002, another mentor introduced me to memoir writing through a class, and that’s when it all clicked. Fortunately, I love writing and having that as a challenge was awesome for me. So, in addition to learning about memoirs, I had to learn about storytelling. As I continued to learn about memoirs and read them, it became clear that memoirs could offer self-development, psychological introspection, and a way to share deeply personal insights. The whole thing’s just been a blast ever since.
SW: So you really enjoy it and you want to share that pleasure with other people, show them “here’s a place to play.”
Jerry: That’s a great way to put it. Sarah. Play is not something that comes naturally to me in other areas of life, but through writing, especially memoirs, I find joy and creativity. For somebody with my kind of overactive mind and intellectual tendencies, writing is a form of play. It allows me to express emotions and stories that have shaped who I am. Sharing this pleasure with others, and helping them discover their own stories, is incredibly rewarding.
SW: How would you characterize your work life right now?
Jerry: I do counseling, I do memoir coaching, and I write articles and essays, and I facilitate memoir groups. I think memoir groups are awesome because they let people get a feeling for what it’s like to be together in a room, sharing. Someone tells you their story and this lovely, compassionate, empathetic room full of people are listening. There’s this circle of life, circle of love, that happens. Embracing all these modalities, teaching, coaching, counseling, group work, individual writing – has been a real journey in its own right, as I’ve been struggling to understand how they all connect. They’re all amazing opportunities to be helpful.
SW: You have a new book out—tell us about that.
Jerry: My latest book is called How I Learned to Love the World: My Epic Journey from Solving Equations to Healing Hearts with Therapy, Writing and Memoirs.(Published March 2024.) It’s a culmination of my experiences, reflecting on my journey from emotional immaturity, how I learned to using writing, memoirs and therapy to grow and mature.
SW: I’m seeing how intertwined writing and therapeutic goals are for you. How do you see the intersection of therapy and memoir writing?
Jerry: Therapy and memoir writing have a lot in common, particularly in the way they involve sharing and reflecting on deep personal experiences. But they’re also very different. When someone enters therapy, they usually have an immediate need—they’re in turmoil and seeking help right now. Memoir writing, however, allows for a retrospective look, which helps build emotional intelligence and self-understanding over time.
In memoir groups, people share their stories in a compassionate space, which can be therapeutic without being formal therapy. Writing allows you to piece together your past, making sense of your experiences in a coherent way. This process is incredibly valuable, whether or not you call it “therapy.” They’re not that dissimilar, because in both instances, it’s healing to be able to share your deepest experiences and feelings.
SW: How does memoir writing enhance emotional intelligence?
Jerry: Memoir writing forces you to engage deeply with your emotions and the emotions of others. When you write, you bring your whole self to the page—your thoughts, your physical reactions, your feelings. This builds emotional intelligence by increasing your awareness of your own emotions and enhancing your empathy towards others. As you write, you start seeing your past experiences from a new perspective, making you more comfortable with who you are.
SW: Grief is a significant topic in memoir writing. How do you see storytelling as part of the grieving process?
Jerry: Grieving is complex, but storytelling can play a crucial role in processing loss. Writing about someone you’ve lost helps you appreciate their place in your life and keeps their memory alive. Memoir writing builds resilience by allowing you to explore your grief and gradually find strength in those memories.
SW: Can writing about trauma or grief be too much, too soon?
Jerry: Absolutely. If someone is still in the intense throes of grief or trauma, it might be overwhelming to write about it in an organized way. Memoir writing is most powerful when there’s some emotional distance from the events being described. It’s often better to wait until you’re ready to reflect on those experiences rather than diving in too soon. Sometimes, writing about happier moments or focusing on lighter memories can help balance the process.
SW: Are there any memoirs you recommend?
Jerry: That’s always a tough question because there are so many! I look for memoirs with an upward slope—stories that move toward hope or resolution. Memoirs are hope machines, and they can expand our empathy and understanding of people whose lives are completely different from our own.
SW: Thanks, Jerry. This has been an insightful conversation. For readers who want to learn more about Jerry Waxler’s work, you can explore his blog and other writings at jerrywaxler.com.
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About first person productions
My blog "True Stories Well Told" is a place for people who read and write about real life. I’ve been leading life writing groups since 2004. I teach, coach memoir writers 1:1, and help people publish and share their life stories.